Thursday, February 15th, 2001
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11:21 pm - people are people
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do we ever really see other people as they are? do we ever really communicate with other people ever? or are we always communicating for the most part with ourselves?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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9:30 pm
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oblivion
live on in me
smattering of impressions
i put my hand up
touch the air pockets
that stream across my retinae
i see things no man should
in many directions
and all at once
a great sifter
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9:03 pm - dine on the living
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the event notwithstanding
i open
slowly
like a curled thing
fantastic night trees
and cigarette burn
left for open air
space for dance
chameleon blinking
gecko tail
tethered and lost
a life of tattoo
the escalation of experience
the rising up
and the steep climb
involved
combine
to make everything worthwhile
everything a lesson learned
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(comment on this)
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12:09 am - life # 4
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i read my cards today, they are specialized buddhist based tarot cards, i kept getting the path over and over again, and then enlightenment. then on the bad side i got worrier, and the jungle. cards said i am seaking enlightenment too much, and that it will come to me when its ready, that the path is already made and i cannot force it to find it, it said i shouldn't worry, and that those i talk with most are part of the jungle, a land were people try and survive only but never reach enllightenment. i have to say this is true, none i know reach enlightenment right now, everyone is struggling, except for chaney and those not in the real world that is. i always remember that dream about the empty plate when i think of my spiritual enlightenment, how i need to be able to stand the empty plate in order to find that path. in order to recognize the forest and moss as the same thing, just different proportions, and skate by-way within both views.
i wonder how e is i wonder if he still cries himself to sleep over all the ache in the world that cannot be fixed.
magic fixes, if you let it. i believe this. its all a matter of giving up control and defense mechanisms and dealing with the empty or full plate, either will do. like piss and water the same.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 14th, 2001
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4:21 pm - tones
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tones tingle over my skin deep
reverb and then little
pluckings
like fairies with pinchers
for feet
you make me swell
up
my chest
ballooning out
rolling
inside myself
almost
gaseous
explode from the mystery?
i was never good at being
agatha though
a million directions
every signpost 50%
jibberish
well i am completely
loosened
by this curve
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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2:05 am - another
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Tuesday, February 13th, 2001
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11:44 pm - catch yourself
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can you catch your own girl now
standing in the garden entrance
one sneakered foot in front
of the other
it’s a picture of the day
your cat ran away
scratched your chest and bit you
you showed daddy and zakia the cut
it was close to the nipple so you
pulled your shirt up
running, taking long steps
two at a time faster and you forget
who has a shack?
no one builds shacks except in Algeria
its where guards and gardeners go
your superwoman
bathing suit
hi, my sisters called me pink frog
in the bathtub
i remember
funny stuff
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(comment on this)
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7:11 pm - the change
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since the change has happened i have not been updating this to put words in here seemed to derevolutionize them. i have been so involved in turning myself into the shape, splines no lines, the real world had almost left me. in the end though i am still so utterly alone even with all the magic now inside of me. i want to share it. it was as if i had almost forgot how but this is not the case, it just was deeply buried.
i remember a girl who used to see the world and her place in it as this unending giving and she was always in tune to the ecstatic dance. so many did not understand her that she was left to dance alone and then she just could not find the reason to dance again.
that is silly though.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 27th, 2000
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7:02 pm - repeat after me
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repeat after me:
no guessing
no peeking
no projections
no phantasms of the mind of any sort
no running
no walking
no boxing
no putting people in boxes
no placement
no displacement
no stories to tell
no lieing
no laying around
no waiting
no spiraling
no going inside
no going inside yourself
no playing inside
no playing with yourself
no more trying
no more making shapes
no more words
can you hear that?
now put your hands on the floor
palm down
beside you
on either side
rest your buttocks on your feet
keep your back straight
look out
look at her
when you don't move
make noise
wiggle your stick
she's solid
like a rock
current mood:  thoughtful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, December 14th, 2000
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10:24 pm - thickening
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thickening i can see along my shoulders now and underneath my chin so things are coming along. only one more week and it should be complete
1. put your shape on
2. wear it only once
3. discard it
4. make another
curved surface not a spline in me
run your hand over
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 11th, 2000
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10:20 pm - points
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went on a walk today down through the path out back to the lake, its complete winter out now, and because of a snow storm and a windstorm in combination, there are signs all a long the trees, danger, danger, do not walk past this point. all i wanted was a walk.
my thickening is taking place slowly, chaney says it should take a couple of weeks, hers happened much faster so I am a little concerned.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 9th, 2000
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12:33 pm - arctic
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arctic air soft early these days i got timing on the right track the air down to safe base cool toes socks spread wide holes in knit on my ear the only chord is firm debilitating marks on scarred leather
who wore the sharp sherry mystic sauce that made my dinner great. we ate everything. out of house and home. and put covers on what was left over.
right to sleep, right to see that time when body pulses down, engine low, my eyes not cracked like clams open, chattering against the moon.
put away the useless meat, lest it be rotten. i can hear the rum tingle of your forgiving voice my early rhythmn goes into effect, slow days, slow opening up, new flesh growing over old.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 7th, 2000
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7:22 am - a-hem
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to each of thee on this speciality day make not forget to be an under of sorts being in fake tribute and allegiance be it in some creedance or circuitious method of arrival by slot machine ticketing in green hills o'er manger side shack wear down the carpet with solid shoes agammemnon on the right of anti-establishment values our birth right to hold sacred holy viaducts of memory agon in ages past were trees burst stains like cryptic voices from the heavens.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 5th, 2000
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7:03 pm - la la love you
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i said yellow
you said green
i said pink
you said beige
i said vermillion
you said get out of my house.
blink blink
ka-pow *
hiiii-kah!
foo-ey!!!!!!!
i am auto-generated
madness
serial searcher
pillows for you
bags of balls dumped on you
hands catch ricochet
one against the wall
serial sleeper
put those hours in that hour
infinity
ad infinitum
pockets of empty pockets
string it all up in a row
throw it in a pond
do what other people do
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 3rd, 2000
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2:19 am - grennwich meantime
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i made it backwards track over
meaningless theres and what I
always hide.
thats to be taken
as I always do,
like the ladder to the second floor
that's too steep to climb.
current mood:  groggy
current music: the heater breathing
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, December 1st, 2000
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11:12 pm - furred
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veins in your wrists furred eyes on a low song voice casual movements disguise the hunch of knowing. confused all the same in moments of spastic action. you want everything to be all right too much. so it pains you. but you already know everything is okay.
current music: edith piaf
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(comment on this)
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Friday, November 31st, 2000
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2:08 am - maker
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i met a maker of things.
a constructor. the walls made
were strong and steady
with a rash of color. and the slight
agitation of pattern.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 30th, 2000
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2:05 am - to her
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tarnished black night broken like old wood
i try and touch your air but i get no signal
except treachery. whats broken here though except the inside, you asked me something once and i forgot you. i always wore you on the outside and never let you in. now its been years and i'm always outside, and what comes down on me is only the walls of our house caving in.
current mood:  morose
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 27th, 2000
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2:56 am - guess
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guess our good heart couldn't see correctly, though
current music: selma songs
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(comment on this)
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2:45 am - dancer in the dark
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our glasses were never what got us in trouble. it was always our good heart.
current mood:  anxious
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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